


War of the Jerks

by PumpkinMacchiatto



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Also feared Soren talking with people who weren't Ike is ooc, Cecilia is also in Soren's good graces, I mean Innes did start it soo, Ike is just... I'm love him, Ike is very briefly mentioned to be jealous, Innes apologizes, M/M, Soren and Morgan are frands now, Soren is mean but when isn't he, The voting gauntlet strikes again, but he isn't of Morgan, but this is this fics entire point, continuing to chapter 2, even if Joshua does need to get smashed after being with them for too long, except let's pretend this is something more than a popularity contest (it really is tho), good logic buddy, technical mpreg and threesome mention, the royal trio from ss are friends, the summoner is mentioned (aka lowest key self insert and a way to say im a hot mess)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-12 06:00:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinMacchiatto/pseuds/PumpkinMacchiatto
Summary: TACTICIAN'S VOTING GAUNTLET Y'ALLL IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPENThe order of heroes has changed their approach to the gauntlets for once: it's an innovation cup and each tactician is to bring up an issue and a solution. Innes starts a fight with Soren and they sass each other. Idk how else to describe it other than two jerks fight for top jerk rights??





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RuvieBon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuvieBon/gifts).



> I owe this idea soley to RuvieBon (I really hope this satisfies the need to see these two great assholes fight XD) . I also may have prioritized this slightly more than my actual work because I do love me a good quick roast. ALso I just recently was forced by my advisor into an innovation challenge and ripped it the fuck off into this because who wants to see actual irl problems solved when we can have fictional problems be solved amirite (Again, my priorities are screwed) No diss towards either of these two though because I somehow love them both!

The order of heroes was normally more organized thanks in part to the work the various tacticians and strategists from all sorts of different worlds making sure operations were smooth. Actually, it was just about all in part due to them as Askr was usually too busy to keep track of the actual heroes and the summoner Sol was just a horrendous mess. However, there was a tension beneath the surface due to the upcoming tactician innovation cup Askr would hold. The Robins and male Morgan decided not to participate to keep some order intact.

                They were given a challenge: Come up with an idea to improve operations of the order of heroes. Simple enough, they had all done their part to smooth operations (though Cecilia, Lewyn, and Jagen were more mentors and Katarina was still shadowing the other tacticians to a degree). Their competition wouldn’t start in days, but some were quite opinionated to the chagrin of most….

Soren wasn’t in the tactics room (because everyone would be there collaborating even when they were meant to compete), yet Innes still managed to be in the same damn spot as him and caught him with a “My, I would have thought you’d be finished by now. I guess this was too altruistic for someone as bitter as you.” He should have left; it was a childish taunt, yet here he was, standing against the Prince Innes of Frelia, preparing to insult his face.

“Funny how a prince would stoop so low. Are your insecurities finally catching up to you?”

Innes laughed, “I’m not that weak to show my weakness in front of anyone, much less you. I merely wanted to know what my opponent would bring to the table, however laughable it is.”

Innes was accompanied by Joshua and L’arachel, who by Soren’s experience with them, weren’t nearly as bad as Innes. He noticed Joshua rolling his eyes and L’arachel eagerly awaiting to hear Soren’s response. No doubt they were forced into hearing Innes speak for hours prior to this.

“I really don’t think you ought to mess with this one, he’s-“

“No, I think it’s understandable he’d pick a fight with me.” Soren interrupted, confounding Joshua. He was normally not this heated, but Innes…. Innes drove him insane, trying to outdo him, the Robins and Saias (people Soren had come to respect, somewhat).  With a smirk, he said, “Not to discredit you both, but strategy isn’t a strength for either of you. He has to have his echo chamber to boost his inflated ego if he wants to put his ramblings to the test against people with real talents.”

Innes was growing red, but he nearly burst when Soren looked him straight in the eyes and said, “ What I mean is, your 'tactics' are a pile of wyvern excrement and only validated because you're a prince.”

Innes, as angry as he was, didn’t flinch. His upbringing taught him to show no sign of weakness while debating, and this was no exception, but oh how he wanted to punch this tiny sack of shit. He coughed, “I see, while I’d love to debate that groundless theory you have of me, and how governing a small group of mercenaries is nothing compared to an actual army, why don’t we get into the actual heart of our quarrel: our innovation idea.”   This he figured, would be where he’d outshine this infuriating child.

Innes was louder than he realized, his commotion drawing a small crowd. Soren rolled his eyes. Of course, he just had to bring attention to himself. “Fine,” He sighed, “What’s your dumb idea?”

                Inned puffed out a bit, clearing his throat before beginning, “Our current training methods are lacking. It’s wasting valuable time and the troops aren’t gaining the proper experience they need. My idea is to send a team to camp out and clear an area for various days as a form of training. It would save supplies and the trips, our troops can properly bond if they need to, and we can reward them all much sooner. The better they learn to endure, the more they benefit rather than keep to the current method of sending a team to an area for one day at a time.”

                Soren wasted no time. “You say it would save on supplies, but how exactly? Would they not need to carry the same amount but for each of the days? That would require a caravan, meaning more cost compared to packing light and returning sooner. I can’t begin to understand why you even thought our training methods to be an issue.”  

The crowd had grown more still, murmuring and whispering amongst themselves. Some were shocked at Soren’s brashness, still others were more than impressed.

                “If not this issue then what else could require greater fixing?” Innes asked, “You would know that even with a caravan of supplies, the costs would even out.”

                Soren readily took out his notes, ignoring Innes’s last lines. “The new floating grounds are arguably more in need of attention than our methods of training. This week alone, we’ve suffered great losses due to the mobility and abilities of our foes. It seems like any progress forward is filled with a regression of sorts.”

With just the mention of the floating grounds, the crowd buzzed in agreement. It seemed like they were inching towards Soren’s side of the argument.

Innes shot back, “The floating grounds are similar to the arena’s issues, and their ‘fix’ is currently an even greater problem. It’s a more glaring problem I agree, but what could you have possibly-“

Papers, shoved into his face that he forcibly grabbed. As he began to read, his attitude went from arrogant to floored. He read and re-read… it was… incredible.

“I’m proposing a variety expansion in our traps and devices. Harsher penalties if you will for the most common and most annoying foes. I also believe setting incentives for certain skills to be used will add to a variety needed to keep the enthusiasm to continue in the endeavor. “

Innes, not about to lose yet, spared no beat in picking at his ideas. “Despite this, it’s inevitable our foes and even our teams will exploit the easiest methods available. Penalizing and forcing ourselves into using skills not usually used could do the opposite and push us away from pursuing the higher tiers.”

Soren stared straight at him, “I’m well aware of those concerns, but then, unless your idea is completely unusable, it would seem our differences can only truly judged during our debate.”

Innes finally grinned, “Finally, we can arrive to the same conclusion.”

For as terrible as Soren was, Innes had to admit that there was something very similar to the way they both carried themselves. He was always shabby, but the confidence he had in himself was like that of a noble.

While the air remained tense, Ike, who had been passing by when he noticed Mia among the crowd, stopped in his tracks.

“What’s this all about?”

“Dontcha know? Apparently Soren and that Innes guy are going at it before the cup!”

Ike raised his brow, surprised Soren would interact with anyone, let alone Innes whom he would always complain about in private. “That’s something, but don’t they both know it’s not really about their idea and it’s just a popularity contest?”

Joshua and L’arachel, managed to catch that and approached Ike.

“Excuse me, but did I hear you say it’s a popularity contest?” Joshua asked.

“Well sure, they’ve never done it under this guise, but Soren knows for sure since he competed in one before.”

Joshua brought his hand to his chin, “Interesting…” He contemplated a bit more before shrugging it off, “Well that makes this more unpredictable. I was about to bet on shorty over there but if you say it’s all popularity, then I’m sorry to say that neither of our insufferable brainiacs are favorites to win.”

 Mia disagreed, “You’d be surprised, apparently mullet top is a charmer by his looks, aaaand Soren has his own sorta fan club.”

Ike’s eyes widened, “He does?!”

“Welllll, not exactly, but people do appreciate what he does when they don’t have to talk to him. Ain’t it true for both of you since you’ve had to deal with him more?”

Joshua nodded, “Well since Princess Fjorm’s usually there as a buffer, he’s not all that bad and Nowi really looks up to him.”

L’arachel agreed, “Eirika and I are always amazed at his talents, even if he does get after us from time to time. In fact, she, Ninian, and Genny have sworn they’ve seen nicer sides to him too. It’s a miracle, and I’ve experienced many.”

“Well there ya have it, Soren’s a low-key favorite out there, not just yours.” Mia giggled.

Ike sighed out, “It still doesn’t explain this, he shouldn’t have even bothered knowing him.”

“I take it as a sign he’s not a fan of Innes either,” Joshua said.

“Aren’t you all fr-“

“Anyways,” Joshua cut Mia off, “The two are raising a hell of a debate out there. If Soren were royalty, I can’t imagine him and the whole of Frelia not going to war at least once.”

They all laughed, considering how true the statement was, though Ike also figured there was a tad less credibility to the statement as Soren would just have Innes replaced or assassinated to avoid a messy war.

“Well we’ll be sure to keep the popularity part a secret from Innes. I simply can’t extinguish flames of innovation to rebirth our order into something better,” L’arachel declared dramatically, pausing only to change her tone into something much more normal, “But what I can do is keep a white lie and watch as Innes is brought down from his high horse.”

“You also need a reality check.”

“What was that Joshua?”

“N-Nothing, nothing at all.” He answered quickly, “Well, it’s been fun.”

As they walked away, Ike noticed the crowd died out, leaving him, Mia, and Soren who was standing with a look of surprise on his face.

“Ike? Were you here the whole time?”

Before he could answer, Mia jumped out of her skin, “Yikes! I just remembered I needed to get somewhere! Nice debate Soren! See ya later!”

When she left, they were left alone in the hall.

“I didn’t really hear what you had to say, sorry.” Ike said awkwardly, bringing rubbing the back of his head.

Soren shook his head slightly, “It wasn’t much, Innes merely thought he could show off. I told him off as usual.”

Ike snorted, “You’re really two sides of the same coin.”

Soren raised his brow playfully, “So you mean to say I’m as egotistical and controlling as him? I’m hurt you know.”

“I don’t mean it like that, neither of you back down from challenges, though in his case he was always prepared for them, you… were just thrust into it.”

Soren paused for a moment, lowering his head. “…I volunteered to be the tactician under you and your father…” He trailed off, whispering, “…and I’ll always be whatever you want me to be.”

Ike went silent, unsure of how to respond. “…Then I want you to be happy,” Soren’s head shot up, looking at Ike, at how his eyes were steadfast and serious, glittering… twitching because he was having trouble expressing himself with words.  “Like how you are right now, doing things on your own accord, telling nobles off and making a plan for this dumb contest. Just be yourself… do what you want.”

He never even realized it until Ike said it. Nobody had forced him into any of the things he was doing, yet here he was, making a serious proposal for something that would boil down to popularity, and poking fun at one of his rivals in the tactics room. It unconsciously made him smile.

“You know I’m not going to win.”

Ike pulled Soren under his arm and ruffled his hair ( his pretty hair which sadly didn’t win last time, though his brain might now) “Not like that you won’t. Besides, you’re the summoner’s favorite.”

“You didn’t even want to win the times you did! You had my attitude!”

“Well… who cares how I won. Let’s just get lunch instead.”

Soren laughed, “Fine, but I won’t drop this matter until you answer me.”

“Done deal.”


	2. Just Magic and Tactics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soren lost but I'm like far from salty. He needs friends so him and Morgan are now friends, no arguing. The spirit of sass doesn't really carry over sadly.

“Okay, but what’s the point in going?” Ike looked like he had an immediate answer before Soren shot him down, “And you know I don’t care for the feast. “

He had no answer, but still tried. “Well, then what’s your reason NOT to go. They still took everyone’s ideas into consideration, at least be acknowledged for that.”

“Ah yes, those ideas that really weren’t the point of this ordeal. I would have preferred them to just tell me outright that it was a popularity contest. It took time I could have spent on something else.”

Ike saw past Soren’s furrowed brow, how he feigned the lack of interest when in reality he put a lot of consideration into this. He chuckled, “You knew what this was from the very start. It was still an idea that most others appreciated, including myself.”

Soren saw Ike was genuine, though when wasn’t he, and sighed. “I’ll go if you go.”

“My stomach will be ready.”

***

At the recognition banquet, the participating tacticians (and really anyone who wanted to attend) were treated with a nice feast and music from Askr musicians. The tacticians had reserved seating and were mingling among themselves when Soren arrived.

“Soren! I’m glad to see you here.” Cecilia smiled.

During their debate, Soren only slightly edged her idea to eliminate (or at least further compensate) heroes going through battles that required rhythmic skills. It was among the best ideas in Soren’s mind, and he had grown appreciative for her bluntness towards what most other (younger) heroes regarded as a fun form of training.

He sat next to her, and Innes as well, and tried to make some conversation just out of courtesy.

“It’s crowded in here.”

“It’s a celebration, what else could you expect.” She chuckled.

“I still don’t like it.”

“Ever the pessimist, typical.” Innes sneered.

“Now now, I know your country has different customs if that Ephraim is anything to go by, but-“

“I am NOTHING like that scoundrel!” Innes protested to Cecilia, nearly leaping out of his seat before regaining his composure. “I mean, Frelia is nothing compared to Renais. Furthermore, I didn’t mean to come off as disrespectful to you Soren.” He turned to face the smaller tactician. “You put up a worthy debate, I’d like to apologize and request a favor of you.”

Soren raised his brow, “What sort of favor?”

“I’d like to better our status. Instead of a rivalry, I’ve realized that collaboration is the key to progress.” He held out his hand, “Essentially, would you care to forgive my transgressions and join up in the future for planning? Unless you think my words are truly only valuable because of my title.”

Soren was shocked, firstly for hearing Innes apologize, with a smile no less, and second for wanting to work together. He did manage to give Soren a tougher debate than he anticipated, surely because he took his previous comments to heart and reworked them for their battle. It was something Soren would do himself, and he found it oddly admirable. With a nod, he gladly took his hand, “Of course, I want to see what you can accomplish as a tactician.”

***

A bit further into the night, after finding and talking with Ike about what had transpired (and just slightly getting enjoyment out of Ike’s not jealousy), the two were approached by the winner of the challenge, Morgan herself.

“Here you are, you’re as hard to find as they say.”

Soren didn’t know how to respond, but he certainly didn’t bear any ill will towards her. She had provided an excellent solution to the declining morale of the heroes by proposing they put their efforts into building forts and protecting against enemy attacks in a range outside the castle.  Nothing less from the daughter of Robin.

“Should I leave?” Ike asked, his face covered in meat grease.

“I don’t mind, I just wanted to talk to the elusive Soren a bit, that’s all.”

Ike turned to Soren. They both were unsure of how to proceed, but sure enough, Ike stood up. “I-I guess I’ll just go and get more uh food for a bit.”

Smooth…. Not. Soren sighed (a trend of the night) and turned back at the cheery Morgan. “I guess you can sit down for starters.” Morgan did just that, placing her chin atop her hands. Soren wasn’t sure how to deal with girls like her, obnoxious older women who had not business talking to minors sure, but someone who rivaled or even potentially surpassed him in intellect would be a challenge. “What is it that you wanted to talk about? It’s not another partnership request is it?”

Morgan snorted, “Are people really that bad? I swear we aren’t all like Innes, but to answer your questions, I just wanted to get to know you a bit better. You’re pretty smart, and you had a nice idea so naturally, if I want to improve myself, why wouldn’t I want to talk? Oh and we can partner up if you want or not. It’s up to you.”

Soren still didn’t get it, how could she improve by getting to know someone whom she had beaten in a game of intellect, innovation, and ultimately wits. She never once flinched at his attacks. The opposite in fact as she always had a focused look in her eyes, ready to combat his every word. “I’d prefer not to team up, Innes is more than enough at a time,” He finally let his guard down just a bit as he smiled, “But if he gets to be too much, I might call on you.”

Morgan smiled herself, “Just like my brother said, you’re a toughie with a soft heart.” Soren seemed to frown at this comment, she noticed, as she immediately added, “Oh but that’s an insider secret! I’ll keep it safe.”

For what seemed to be hours, the two chatted about various things, Soren slowly being able to see Morgan as not just another tactician, but perhaps someone else he could confide in when Ike just couldn’t just get it, though the latter would insist he still wanted to be of help.

“So that’s how my dad had me! I guess the other Morgan could be called either my cousin or my brother too and Lucina the same, but if you and your totally not boyfriend ever wanted to-“

Soren hushed her, his cheeks red as Ike finally returned with more food.

“You guys seem to be having fun.” Ike said.

“The best,” Morgan smiled before noticing the clock and going pale as a sheet. “Oh crap! I need to go to my study session or else I’ll die!” She waved them farewell and ran off.

When she left, Soren sighed, “Why is there a running trend of us getting left by ourselves by a girl running late for something?”

Ike sat down next to him and shrugged, “I don’t really care to find out. So what did you guys talk about? Is she another Innes?”

“Far from it. I can’t say he’s an idiot by any stretch now (sadly) but she’s definitely more grounded in comparison.” He smiled, “As for what we talked about, she actually said that there was a way for-“ 

He stopped himself and got red again. He started remembering what she had told him about how she was conceived…

_“Hmm? How am I Chrom and Robin’s daughter at the same time?”_

_“Yes, it’s always struck me odd how the other Morgan and Lucina refer to the female Robin as mother, yet you don’t.”_

_Morgan hummed, “Well it’s not that I don’t think of her as a mother, but she wasn’t the one who birthed me.”_

_“Then did your father Robin have relations with another woman prior to marrying Chrom?” He paused and grimaced, “You have black hair… your mother isn’t secretly Tharja is it?”_

_Morgan nearly fell off her seat laughing. “Give my dad some slack! If I were her daughter,” She shuddered, “I don’t think I’d even be alive.”_

_“I suppose not, and thankfully Aim- I mean Tharja isn’t.” Yet Soren was still confused, “Then it was some other woman who birthed you?” Morgan shook her head. “What other option is there?!”_

_“I don’t blame you for not knowing, but I was essentially born from my father.”_

_Soren’s eyes went wide. “How?!”_

_“It’s a complicated process, but it’s far from impossible. I could get my dad to tell you.”_

That all knowing smirk was the last thing stuck on his mind as Ike kept repeating his name. “Soren!”

He shook his head, “I-It was nothing… just magic and tactics.”

Ike wasn’t convinced and frowned, though unlike before with Innes, Ike knew Soren’s preferences. “I don’t buy it, but I can’t really force you either.”

“Just… trust me, it’s something good.”

Ike sighed, giving way to a small smile, “Well, then I guess we found the point for coming here.”

“For the food?”

Ike shook his head, “It’s something better.”

“Ike just tell me.”

“Not until you tell me.” He teased.

Soren gave in, “Fine… but only when we get to our quarters.” He said, face red once again.

“Then the same goes for me.” Ike smiled, pulling Soren close to kiss his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The very very end is corny but idk how to end stuff so oops. Please do tell if unconventional friendships are something y'all would like to see in the future because I also have my dream team I call "Bad Mage" composed of Kliff, Lute, Soren, and Lilina (sorry you're actually nice but I needed a red I love) and I'm interested in doing like a band au for it lol.


End file.
